I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
