trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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