Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize