Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
