my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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