just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
