I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
