i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
