I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
