According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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