He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
