Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
