i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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