just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
