I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
