Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
