I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I wish there were birth control emojis
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
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