happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
