I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
