I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
