At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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