the new term for farting is butt boxing.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
