I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize