just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
