i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
