We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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