Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize