I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
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