So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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