My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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