There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
