ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
