I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
