You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
