he shaved USA in his pubs
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
