The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
