did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
