i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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