Can Purell be used as lube?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
