remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
