They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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