there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize