Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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