First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
