Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
