Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
