I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Randomize
