My room smells like vodka and shame
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
