ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
