He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
