I think I won the penis lottery.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
