this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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