I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
