Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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