Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize