Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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