it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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