when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
