let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
