my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Sex in the backyard? Check.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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