There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
