Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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