i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize