I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Randomize