Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
