Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
