Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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