and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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