I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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