dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize