I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
