i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I think people are normalizing furries
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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