Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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