i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
