This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
