wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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