I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
