Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
