So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
