One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
