I just pynch a tree in the face
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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