It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
