Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
