I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Randomize
