you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
