There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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