my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize