Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
