I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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