I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
