I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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