It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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