Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
