On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
