too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize