I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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