just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
