I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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