is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
