so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
