I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Randomize
