I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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