its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
