Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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