In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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