I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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