So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
