HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
