come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
